I am not really sure where to start. Wednesday was not a good day for me. I'd like to tell you all of the details. I like to talk to you one-on-one about how sad I feel about the day but I just can't. It is impossible for me to blog that conversation. Instead I will just tell you that I was caught off-guard by the events of my day. My dog, Bailey, had to be put to sleep. I didn't see that coming. I had no idea my day would unfold like it did. We got our dogs, George and Bailey (yes, yes- named after "George Bailey"), 6 months after we got married. My husband picked out George and I picked out Bailey. George died in April. Bailey was 13 years old in December. I was unbelievably sad all day Wednesday. I still am really sad. I lost a great dog.
On top of my grief is the knowledge that I don't know if I will ever have another dog. Last January we found out that my son is allergic to dogs. It shouldn't have come as a big surprise because there had been several times where his asthma would flare up around dogs. Our dogs never bothered him. The doctor said due to that and the age of our dogs, we could manage David's asthma and keep our dogs. Getting another dog would be risky to David's health. I know that. Knowing it does not help me grieve. It makes me angry.
I was just reading another friend's blog about her son's allergies, some of which are newly discovered allergies. She said that allergies stink. Oh, I agree with my whole heart. Today I was angry that David has allergies. I was angry that he has asthma. His asthma has been acting up lately. I was sad and then I was just plain mad.
In the middle of it all, I remembered something... My God cares.
He cares about me. I believe that he cares about how I feel. When my heart hurts and I am sad, it matters. When I feel angry about my situation, God cares. He will listen to me. I can pray and pour out my heart to God and God is compassionate.
I AM THANKFUL FOR THESE TRUTHS:
Psalm 55:22 "Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you..."
Nahum 1:7 "The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him."
1 Peter 5:7
"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you"
It doesn't matter how big or small the anxiety, frustration or anger, God will listen and he desires for me to turn to him. I am not over my grief. I am still very sad. But, I know that I can tell God exactly how I feel. That comforts me.
Oh, and one more thing- if you ever have a bad Wednesday, hop on over to 5 Minutes for Moms and check out the Wordless Wednesday posts. I let the kids watch a long movie and loved every minute of browsing the pictures and making comments! There were so many great pictures that made me smile. I am thankful that I had some time to do that. I am also thankful for all of the people that hopped back over and commented on my blog. Each comment was a "happy thought" for me on an otherwise very bad day.
11 comments:
I'm sorry for your loss. I've been in your shoes and probably will be there again sometime in the near future. Our pets are our best friends. They are one of the family.
I also have to agree that allergies stink 100%. It's not fun by any means. We don't get to watch our kids eat the same birthday cakes as the birthday girl/boy; We may not get to see them participate in team sports as often because of the asthma; but these are the cards that God has dealt us. He did because He knows we can handle it! What a great mama you are!
Know that I am praying for you, Sister!
I am so sorry. I know how you feel on both levels. I can still feel the pain when I think about the day that Kyle and I lost our first dog unexpectantly.
We've had Jude for 8 years and had to leave him behind (at my parent's) when we moved this last May because of allergies.
I am a huge dog person and it breaks my heart that I most likely won't ever have another one.
I'll be praying for your heart to heal today.
Jane Anne~
I'm so sorry you lost your dog so suddenly, and I am especially sad that you can't get another because of crummy allergies. I will be praying for you as you grieve.
Remember that God is big enough to handle your anger and disappointments. He will listen attentively as you pour your heart out to Him.
Thanks for such a real Thanks Tank, and thanks for dropping by to comment on my sweet JD's birthday cake. : )
That was a tough day. I am so sorry to hear that. But, you are so right...God is there for us no matter how small or big our problem or situation is. He is there and He cares more than we will ever know.
Have a happy Thursday my friend.
XO,
Mimi
Beautifully written. I am so sad for you. Family pets are so tough to loose. I was on bed rest in the hospital with my my little guy and my dog of nine years ran away. I had him when I was single, he was like my first baby. I was devastated. We can not have an indoor dog either, Goose is allergic to them also.
God knows exactly what we need, and yes we try to find comfort in that. Sometimes it is tough, I just thinks it means he wants us that much closer.
Have a blessed day, my friend.
{{hugs}}
Jane Anne -
Thank you so much for sharing this! I am having a sad/anxious kind of week myself, and I know that my unsettled feelings will continue through next week. I'm trying to juggle a lot right now, and it's the out-of-left field stuff that can really swoop in and knock you off of your feet. Thank you for the encouraging words in the middle of your grief. I'll be saying a prayer for you.
Oh JJ. I'm crying right now, for you, for Seth, for Bailey, and for George (and of course the kids). Gosh...I remember when you took care of me after I put Maggie to sleep. I wish I could do that for you now. I am truly sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers, in my heart and in my tears. Love you.
I'm soooo sorry about your dog! We also have a dog who is 13 yrs. She definitely is part of our family as your dogs were part of yours. Our dog is mostly an outside dog. We do let her into the basement, which also has a game room in it (where the boys hang out). But, she's not allowed into the main part of the house. Is that something that would be possible for you to do...get an "outside dog?"
I have asthma, too!It is not chronic, but is triggered by allergies/illnesses. I'm extremely allergic to cats. I can't even go where a cat USED to live without having an asthma attack! I totally understand the frustration you feel about your son's asthma.
Yes, allergies definitely stink!!! Our youngest son has a severe allergy to tree nuts. We've had several close calls with allergic reactions. He has to carry Epi Pens with him wherever he goes.
I am keeping your family in my prayers. Please keep us posted on YOU, okay?
Blessings...
I am so sorry about the loss of your dog. It does hurt. Last year we had to put our dog down (due to illness) and then one week later my dad passed away. So it was a rough week.
I have allergies and asthma too. I take allergy shots (I am on maintenance once a month) and take controller meds for my asthma so I only use an inhaler every 4-6 months or so. I rarely use it (usually if I geta bad cold).
My asthma is much better since I got on the meds and received shots.
I am allergic to my dog (a beagle) but my doctor told me that the benefits of having a dog outweigh the drawbacks so he said I could keep him.
I do have a little poodle puppy and I am able to cuddle and hold her with seemingly no problem. I don't cuddle or hold the beagle however.
I have to admit that sometimes I wish I didnt have asthma or allergies. But I know that my brother wishes he didn't have terminal cancer, so that helps me keep it in perspective. Still, we all have those days of wishing we could change things, and honestly, I would love not to have it.
Who knows, maybe in a few years they'll have even better meds out than they do now and he can have dogs!
BTW, I hope you do a blog about your menu planning. I'd love to read it!
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