Sometimes I struggle.
I wonder if I am doing a good job.
I am my worst critic. I evaluate what I do in all areas of my life and I don't measure up. I see my flaws.
I notice what I didn't do or what I didn't say. I think about what I shouldn't have said. I wonder if what I said came across wrong.
I think about how I could be more attentive to my children. I think about how I could be better at disciplining them. I could be training them to be more organized. I could if only I were more organized.
I think about the places in my community where I have gotten involved and I wonder if I am making a difference. I wonder if I am spread too thin. I wonder if every activity and group I am in suffer because I am doing too many things at once.
Sometimes I grapple with my insufficiencies so much that they consume my attention.
Instead of seeing myself, I see the worst of myself.
My life may be a beautiful web of interactions with people, involvement in activities, and development of my faith but I often focus on my weaknesses.
I see the parts that aren't just right.
I think, "If I work hard enough, I can do better." I want the best.
I get hung up on my deficiencies. When I do that, the small problems overwhelm me. I see holes that I cannot fix.
I was not meant to be perfect.
This truth is hard for me to reckon with. I have vision of how I want thing to turn out. I cannot think of a time when I have been able to accomplish everything I wanted. Something could have always been just a bit better.
When it comes to myself, I struggle with focusing on the positive.
I am learning that to be satisfied accomplishing a task even when I know I could have done better.
I am learning that despite my flaws, God can use my efforts.
I need to trust that God is giving me the tools I need. He will use my best efforts.
As long as I am not focused on what went wrong, I can still be effective in what I am supposed to accomplish.