Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Prayers of Desperation and a need for Dedication

When I woke up this morning, I couldn't rub the tiredness out of my eyes. I could barely make out the numbers on the clock to see the time. It was later than it should have been. My husband was still asleep. I nudged him awake. He started getting ready for the day. My husband said he was okay because he didn't have to be in at his normal time. I realized that I was not prepared for my day. I asked my husband if he could run to the store to pick up a couple of things. I'm not sure what I was thinking. I wasn't. In retrospect it was a selfish move. My husband picked up the tempo, rushed out to the store and back. Right before he got back, I realized we were almost out of coffee. I felt 100% grumpy. I had my coffee. My sweet husband didn't even take any when he left. I still felt grumpy. My boys were busy with noise and bickering.

The day rolled on full speed ahead like a roller coaster car traveling on the down-side of the track. I was pulled back and forth between the kids and the needs of the day. At one point, I dropped a picture frame and the glass shattered. I muttered a shameless word in frustration. Then, I stopped - for a few seconds. I prayed "Lord help me. I don't know what I am doing."

I marched back to the beat of the off-tune music of my day. I kept right on pressing on with my attitude and frustration. Nothing was working out. It seemed I could not finish one task without hearing "Momma! Momma!" about 10 times. I was stretched thin as a rubber band pulled as tight as possible. I walked upstairs to grab an item for my 4 year old. At the very moment I walked by my sleeping daughter's room, I heard my son yelling, "Momma! Momma!" I grasped my hands together tightly, much like a child does at the dinner meal blessing. I stopped. Still as ever, I prayed, "Lord, help me. I cannot do this without you."

I walked down stairs. My tension was still present and very real. I helped my son get on his dress-up clothes. I grabbed my book and walked into my bedroom. I opened it. I read a few Psalms. My son called me again. He needed me to "come there". With a sigh, I told him he had to come to where I was. I tended to him. Then, I tended to my soul again.

These words- "Then they cried unto the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress" comforted me. These words- "He brought them out of the darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains" reminded me. These words -"Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love" brought me home.

I think the reason I fail to pray sometimes is because I have not spent time reading my Bible. There is nothing wrong with prayers of desperation. I believe my prayers today were, in fact, effective. What keeps me from a deep connection to God throughout my day in prayer? It has to be me failing to read the Bible.

It's the same as me telling a friend that I want to get together with them but then never making time to do it. I have a sincere desire to get to know some of my friends better but I need to make the effort to dedicate time to those friends. To deepen a friendship, I have to invest in it. Spending time reading my Bible provides an avenue to draw closer to God when I talk to him.

I'm linked up with Ann at A Holy Experience.


MiMi said...

I wonder if there was something in the air around here today. Jessica was having sort of a bad day, I was having a bad were having a bad day.

Mommies-Miracles said...

I agree with MiMi there is something in the air.

Beth E. said...

Jane have such a wonderful way of expressing yourself. You are such an anointed writer! Thanks for sharing your frustrations and emotions. I know that was not easy to do.

I think you hit the nail right on the head. We cannot develop a relationship with God unless we invest time in it. I needed that reminder...thank you!

P.S. Praying that tomorrow will be a better day for you. :)

RLR said...

Sorry you were having a bad day. I've had a couple of those lately, too! Hope tomorrow is MUCH better!

Liz (Loving Mom 2 Boys) said...

You do have an amazing way of putting a bad day in perspective. Thank you for sharing this - I'm sorry you had a bad day, but I am glad to know I am not alone in my bad days.

Pray that tomorrow is better...for all of us!

Traci~ Ordinary Inspirations for the everyday wife, mommy, and homemaker said...

So SO So true! Well spoken from a fellow 'weary Mom'.

I think you HIT IT DEAD ON! When I am in God's Word, and seeking His face/heart, I want to talk to Him more.

The same way with friendships, the same way with my communication with my husband.

God Bless You!


Elaine at Matters of the Heart) said...

What a great reminder, thank you for sharing yourself with us. I will be praying that tomorrow is a better day.

He & Me + 3 said...

Wow this post hit home my friend. Thank you for sharing.

Mommy of two little blessings said...

Just poped over from my friend Julie's blog and this is EXACTLY what I needed to hear. I am not alone in my struggle to be the mom God would have me be. To put Him first in my life not only in parts of it, but everywhere. Thank you for sharing your day in this way. I have days like this as well and sometimes feel like if I hollar,"Just a moment Mommy's on the potty." or "I'll be there in a moment." or better yet, "Stop yelling at me!" one more time God is going to pop me one on the bum with his hand for not treating others the way I want to be treated. Trust you me, I diserve that more often than not and I see it now being a mom than I ever have before. So, thank you for the reminder to focus on God first in the day and to set my heart and mind on Him before I do anything else. You are an encouragement. Blessings.-me-(Mommy of two little blessings)

Kimberly said...

Loved this post! While I didn't have a hard day with my kids today, I do find it VERY interesting that much of what you talked about on this post was on my mind today in a very strong and valid way. My status on FB read most of the day of my desire to find an AMAZING devotional book, one that will speak to my heart and also guide me to be digging deep into the Word. I also spent an hour or so online trying to research some on my own. I love how our Father God can softly, gently and yet so persuasively grab a hold of our hearts and minds to remind us of the things we MUST do to maintain an open and communicative relationship with Him!!!

Missy said...

You have such a gift of putting things into words. You are able to write down what we are all thinking and feeling.

Nowheymama said...

Sigh. So true.

Anonymous said...

beautiful and oh so true for me too....thanks Jane Anne for sharing with us and witnessing to us...patti b.

Lauren said...

I have been having days like this more and more often. I know the reason is that I have been sleeping until my kids wake up rather than getting up earlier to have quiet time with God. Thanks for the reminder!