Tuesday, September 22, 2009


This past week at church we talked about being vulnerable and the importance of vulnerability in real relationships. It was easy for me to think about and imagine. I long for intimacy and openness with my friends. I desire close friendships.

I should have known that there would be test.

Isn't that the way life often works?

I despise conflict. I avoid it. I tend to be a peacemaker and I usually work to find a diplomatic solution to challenging people situations.

Monday rolled around and I was faced with the reality of a disagreement. My inclination is to avoid the conflict. It isn't really a personal conflict. I just disagree with the way something is being handled. The problem surfaced with a group of people I love. For a variety of reasons, I hesitantly decided to be a part of the group again this year. Now, I find myself wanting to opt out of the group.

My loving, better half suggested last night: "Ya know, the mature thing to do would be to talk about how you feel and be honest."

Now I am reeling from the realization that real relationships aren't just sharing on a deeper level.

Real relationships require me being open with my frustrations. It needs to be more than just being honest, if asked. That's where it's hard for me.

Today I will stretch out of my comfort zone. I will share my heart. I will be loving and honest... and vulnerable. I will be real with a friend.

~The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.~


Anonymous said...

praying for you today - it is not easy to do and may be a long process - but God is a miracle worker even in these situations. I speak from experience.

Amy Jo said...

Thank you. This post really spoke to me today and is something I needed to hear: a little push if you will. Vulnerablility is so difficult. You will be in my thoughts today. I hope and pray all goes well.

He & Me + 3 said...

I hope that it goes well for you. It is hard to confront situations. I have a hard time too. But that is part of being a good friend.

Ann Kroeker/Not So Fast said...

I feel your pain--I hate conflict, too. But this is an important topic for all of us to ponder. Being real means to be vulnerable. But being vulnerable means putting oneself at risk.

You've actually modeled vulnerability right here on your blog. I hope that when you share your frustrations honestly and openly that the other person finds something real that she, too, craves. And that something true results.

Our pastor this weekend quoted D.A. Carson as saying, "The Church of Jesus Christ is not made up of natural friends...what binds us together is not common education, common race, common income levels (etc.)...Christians come together not because they form a natural collocation but because they have all been saved by Jesus Christ, and because they owe Him a common allegiance."

I try to remember that when I'm feeling like I have little in common with people and when from a human perspective we are experiencing misunderstandings.

All of that to say...

I hope it goes well.

Bless you.

MiMi said...

It's so hard to do that. I never speak up, I'm afraid my feelings and thoughts will offend someone else. Even friends.

samantha said...

Thank you for your prayers for Aubrey! We can only hope she will be better soon. Your a great friend

Nicole said...

I'm the same way. I hope it all goes fine.

Foursons said...

It's 8:15 at my house right now and I assume you've already had this moment today. How'd it go? It's hard dealing with those things.

Liz (Loving Mom 2 Boys) said...

I hope things went well for you today. I completely understand where you are coming from - and it isn't a fun place - I have lost too many potentially good friends by my inability to address what may be bothering me....I hope you are doing well - and I hope your friends are too!!

Beth E. said...

I just read your post...I am very much like you! I despise conflict, too!

I pray that all went well for you!

Ellen said...

You know I'm here Jane Anne, and I understand - and the last thing any group would want is for you to leave - but my first instinct is to skirt around the issue and hope others resolve it. But I mean what I said....coffee one evening?