My parents drummed this in my brain: I am not a quiter.
. . .
When my husband deployed to Iraq in 2005, I was one busy woman. I was the leader of the Family Readiness Group (that served some 250 families of soliders). I led a group of leaders in a mom's group. I also led a small group within the mom's group. Then there was soccer and Awana's. All of that was on top of taking care of 3 kids, all under the age of 5. I kept busy while my husband was gone. I thought that was a smart way to handle the deployment. It was way too much for me. It led to my blog and the reason for my blog title. That deployment and stint as a single parent was overwhelming. I tried to be super mom. I was tired, frustrated, and over-burdened. I was stretched too thin.
When my husband and I decided to separate, I felt unforeseeable pain. (If this sentence sends you into shock, read this: Separation: The Choice II)
I found myself laying around the house. Overwhelmed. Everything was getting on my nerves.
Obedience, yes. A serving heart, no.
I couldn't figure out what was wrong, except that I felt overwhelmed and frustrated. I was sure the separation was needed but I wasn't ready.
I kept thinking~
"I will not handle this well. I cannot be the PTO President, a leader at my mom's group, have numerous responsibilities at church, and manage my kids. I can. But, I don't want to. It is going to be so hard."
. . .
Then, I realized I had a choice.
I don't want to manage my kids while juggling my responsibilities.
My heart's cry is~ "I can't quit."
I can choose.
I am choosing my dedication to family. My kids. I am choosing my sanity. Myself. I am choosing my faith. Enough time to put God first.
I am choosing to step down, step out, and let go.
It's hard. It's really hard for me to step away from responsibilities. But... I have a peace that I haven't had in days.
The choice to live. That's the choice I'm making.
I am going to live in such a way that we will become financially sound. I am going to live in such a way that I provide for my family before the activities and busyness.
Stepping down from responsibilities makes me feel weak. I find myself hearing the lie: If I were strong enough, I could do it.
I chose to be weak, because it is going to make me strong.
I dread the impression others may have of me after I step away from responsibilities. I know not everyone will understand. I hate letting others down.
I take comfort in knowing that I have my priorities straight. In some ways, I'm excited about the resolve I have. I am thrilled that I am strong enough to make this decision.
I am choosing to walk away from busyness, hand-in-hand with my faith, family, and sanity intact.
. . .
I encourage you to constantly inventory your activities. Make sure that you aren't doing too much. Even great activities can have a negative impact on you or your family if you are involved in too many of them. This is a lesson I am constantly learning.
. . .
This is the final post in a three part series on Choices. To read part 1, go here: The Pain - Choice Part I. To read part 2, go here: Separation - Choice Part II.