Monday, August 16, 2010

Separation - Choice Part II

My husband and I are separating.

The worst part is how it might look. Okay, that's not true. The worst part will be being apart from each other. Or, maybe the worst part will be having to be a single parent.

My husband is taking a job in another state.

Due to several factors, which include school and the house we own, we've decided that he will move on without us to begin with.

I will stay here and mother my 4 kids. He will go and start a new job.

We are choosing the best thing for us long term. Short term, it's going to be a hard year.

I will get my 3 boys started here in school. We are comfortable with our school. My son's allergy needs are well-managed and I have already met with his teacher. The schools where my husband will be working started last week.

We won't risk financial strain because of our house. We owe more on our house than it is worth. The timing isn't right to do anything with it. So, my kids and I will stay while my husband goes.

Maybe it will be until Christmas break. Most likely it will be until Summer break.

Separation is not a choice made lightly.

We are making hard choices. We are praying. We are planning each step we make. While I know that this is not the path I want, it is the path that we need to take.

I prayed, "I will live anywhere, if it helps us get out of debt." I had no idea I'd need to stay.

Sometimes the choices we have to make are hard. Sometimes the paths we have to take aren't easy. We feel the difficulty of this situation. I've been struggling quite a bit emotionally over it. And, while it's hard, I am certain that we are making good choices. We are depending on God- and we are thankful for the job opportunity that he's been given.

Humble hearts that are dependent on God make perseverance possible.

"He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way." Psalm 25:9

Separation for a time. Dedication forever.

. . .
We'd love your prayers.


This is Part II of a 3 part series on Choices. To read Part I, go here: The Pain: Choice Part I.

28 comments:

RLR said...

You got 'em. Thinking of you every day!

Nicole said...

I'll pray. It sounds like a difficult situation. A good friend of mine and her husband had to do something like this as well. It was hard but they got through it. I hope you have lots of great support surrounding you.

Foursons said...

I read a blog and they just ended their 1 year separation for the same reasons. http://deciduousheather.blogspot.com/

Maybe she can help? Praying for you girl, I know this won't be easy.

Liz (Loving Mom 2 Boys) said...

Oh sweetie!! What a hard decision for you and your family - you will be in my prayers during this period of transition and seperation.

He & Me + 3 said...

I have known people that had to do this too. I will pray for you.

Pam said...

My heart is finally calming down after reading the first sentence!

Oh, Jane Anne, I will definitely be praying for you and for your precious family during this time of separation. I will especially be holding you before the throne and asking God for supernatural strength as you parent alone . . . as well as for Him to hold you close just when you need it most.

Hugs to you, my friend!

Anonymous said...

Oh boy. I don't even know what to say yet. I will pray. I know that you would never want to be separated from your husband nor would he want to be away from you. I need to call you. I don't know when I'll get the chance. Meanwhile, I'll be praying!
sharon

Angie@Echoes of Laughter said...

I am sending prayers and positive thoughts your way. There will be a happy ending...good things come to those who wait!
Just remember that debt is just money. It's not losing a child or a cancer diagnosis. Things will get better. The economy will improve. Angie xo

samantha said...

Oh my sweet friend. I have to tell you this post just made me cry. If at anytime you need a mommy break just give me a call! You have my prayers and so does Seth. What state will he be moving to?

momstheword said...

One of my bloggy friends is also separated for a year while her hubby works elsewhere (although he is back for a short visit).

Years ago my hubby had a job in which he commuted from our home here in Washington to California. He'd fly out Monday morning and fly in Thursday night. So at least I got a weekend break.

It won't be easy for you, no, and your situation may be similar to a military wife (in that he'll be gone awhile).

As you said, it's hard to do all the parenting yourself. But, you are depending on God, and He is more than able to see you through.

I'll pray for you during this transition and hopefully it won't be as long as you think, my friend! ((Hugs!))

Missy said...

I am definitely praying for you JA!

Alicia said...

You got it!!

Honey said...

yes, it will be a hard time....but...you've done it before and this is all happening because you both have made a great decision to get out of debt....you have been on our SS prayer list, so take comfort knowing that we are all lifting you in prayer...sure hope the move will involve some eastward travel! patti b.

cbogie said...

What a big decision for your family. But you do have church, school and neighborhood communities to be there for you when you need it. I know it will be a hard year, though. I'll keep you in prayers.

Hickersonia said...

Just ran across your blog today and I feel for your situation. We have faced financial hardship as well...

Your choices have been different than the ones my wife and I made when our debt became a nightmare. We could never have separated on any terms -- my own personal weaknesses aside, we simply would never have tolerated it.

We chose to go through with a chapter 7 bankruptcy instead of going through with the damage any kind of separation, or whatever else we could have done, might have caused us.

I don't know whether to commend you for your strength or not (it really isn't any of my business). I believe the path taken by one person (or family) can be different than that which is taken by another and be equally correct, and as such I will only hope and pray that your situation, and the choices stemming from it, will work out for the best for your family.

Brandi said...

My hubby and I have been apart many times over the years for work. The longest I think was 3 months without seeing each other at all, but usually it was just a two or three weeks at a time between visits.

It is a challenge to adjust to being a single mom but, for us at least, things always settle into a routine and went pretty smoothly.

One positive thing is that as much as it completely sucks to be apart, it can be nice to email, text, and talk on the phone. Certainly not as nice as seeing each other ever day, but sometimes you get caught up in the every day. I always looked forward to my hubby's calls at night after I had the kids in bed and we'd talk for hours. I also went to Wal-Mart and bought a bunch of the cute .99 'I Miss You' cards and I'd send him cards weekly (he kept all of them and he has them in his dresser drawer).

I know this is going to be extremely difficult, girl. Please know you and your family are in my prayers constantly. :)

Avery's Mommy said...

Debt sucks. I agree. without stupid debt, I'd be a sahm now. It makes me want to cry. I am sorry you have to do such a hard thing this year. I will be praying for you.

Jenny said...

Jane Anne, I know that this year is going to be a testament to your love and dedication for each other, and it will be a challenge, but it will be a hurdle that you two will clear stronger than you are now. I know Steve told you this before, but if there is ANYTHING that we can do for you, all you have to do is ask. No matter how small or trivial is may seem at the time, please do not hesitate.

Jeanne said...

Praying for you! What a hard decision to have made, and I know that it wasn't made lightly. Have faith in the Lord and continue to trust and dwell within Him. He will provide! He DOES provide!

Becki D said...

Oh no! Yuck.

I'll be sure to pray for your family!

ChupieandJ'smama said...

I'm so sorry! Please know that you aren't alone in this. I know several people that are doing the same thing. My prayers are with you all.

caramama said...

My husband's parents had to do this when he was younger. It was hard, but they got through it and it did not negatively affect the kids or their relationship with my FIL.

It sounds so tough! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!

Roxie said...

Debt is a horrible thing and unfortunately it consumes more people than not.

It will be hard during this 'separation' time but it is only a short time in the big picture.

If you ever need any help with the kids or daily life please don't hesitate to ask. Even if it is just having Elsie over to play with Hannah and Heather one day while the boys are in school so you can have some time to yourself -- maybe a nice QUIET shower or something. Just let me know! You know how to reach me. ;)

Beth E. said...

Oh, Jane Anne, I'm praying! Bless your heart AND your hubby's heart, too. I know this was no easy choice. Continue to trust God. He will get you both through this.

Jessica said...

I just saw this. :( Where is he moving to?

Jill @ Live Laugh Blog said...

This has to be gut wrenching difficult. I can hardly make it alone when my husband leaves for a trip that is 2 to 3 weeks long. It's hard. But it's manageable- You can do it!

Have you guys heard of Dave Ramsey?

Deciduous Heather said...

Hi! Thanks for coming over and introducing yourself. I just got chill bumps when I read your post. It takes me back to this time last year and all the emotions I felt, and all that we have been through since then. You definitely have my prayers! How old are your boys? Do you guys SKYPE? We became dependent on that, it helped the kids to "see" their Daddy. Anyway, I dont want to bombard you will ?s~but I know how you feel. I know how hard it will be, but I can tell you that you can do it. Just be faithful and the path will unfold for you and everything will have perfect timing along the way. (((HUGS))) Check in with my blog again!

sarah said...

oh, janeanne, I am praying! I am finally catching up on blog reading and I just read this! So hard!