Friday, August 13, 2010

The Pain - Choice Part I

We've been in pain for years, hurting over decisions made early on in our marriage.

We are solid. We never doubt our love, our faith, and our future.

But, we are in debt.

Our debt has created stress. We can't always, often, do everything we wish we could. We can't give to others when we feel led. Our hands are tied. We earn enough but we owe and that takes our excess.

It's painful. Debt. It's ugly.

If we could go back and only buy what we had money for in the bank, we would. If we were just moving to this town, we'd buy a much smaller house. Our lessons learned in hindsight from 10 years ago and from 3 years ago hurt. We chose the path we are on. It's painful to know that.

We long for less. Our longing is painful.

We are honest with ourselves. We are honest with our kids. We aren't always honest with those we know and love because debt is painfully embarrassing.

We have been praying and working to get out of debt. It isn't easy. Consequences are painful. I often feel like a child getting punished. But, I'm an adult and this problem has adult consequences.

This summer my prayers went from "I'll do anything to get out of debt" to "I will live anywhere to get out of debt."

We're facing transitions now.
We have a lot of hope.

Pray for us, our pain, and perseverance as we work to get out of debt.


This is the Part I of a 3 part series on Choices.

23 comments:

Pam said...

I can so identify with your pain. Your post could have been written on my own keyboard. Know you have a friend across the miles who will pray for your freedom along with our own.

May our Heavenly Daddy teach us the lessons in a way this time that we won't have to repeat them again . . . and again.

Thanks for your vulnerability on a subject that causes the hairs to raise on more than one neck.

Beth E. said...

We faced debt when we were first married, too. I think it would be wonderful if financial counseling was offered to couples prior to getting married. It sure could have saved us a lot of heartache!

Praying for you and your family, Jane Anne. We finally got out of debt. It took several years, but we did it...so will you. NOW, we just have to get two boys through college!

Hugs,
Beth

Martin Jones said...

Trudy and I can relate to your pain. It is difficult when choices we may that seem well reasoned at the time prove not to have been. Yet sometimes it is circumstance or true need that changes and we are left with the consequences. In 1994 Trudy left teaching in public schools because it was not the right place for her. She started her own business and was just getting started when Michelle had her accident. We lost her business, but we took care of Michelle. At the time our expenses shot throught the roof, we gave up one income. We have never regreted the choice, but it certainly was painful.

samantha said...

Debt is never ever fun. It's so hard and stressful on any marriage to have debt. Sometimes I wonder if I should be going back to work to help lower ours. We may not have the newest or best of something but we are working hard to pay ours off. Your a wonderful person and you guys will make it through this

Foursons said...

I think debt counseling should be required for every single kid graduating from high school. You are not alone in this, and right now things are getting worse for us before they'll get better. Hang in there.

Honey said...

praying....patti b.

Liz (Loving Mom 2 Boys) said...

We are currently suffering the effects of our debt as well. It has found us sell/losing our house (hoping the selling option happens before the losing one does). We have moved our little (expanding) family into my MILs. But we are surviving - and you will too. Finding the problem, determining a solution isn't always easy - but its a good first step, and as negative as it feels sometimes it is a positive move.

Praying for you and your family - transitions like these are not easy to make!!

Anonymous said...

We will pray. We understand your pain. We've been there. We just got out of debt last year. God used Dave Ramsey and his Financial Peace University to help us finally get it. I know you will get through this and you will feel so good on the other side of this!
Love you!
Sharon

RLR said...

JA - Oh, I know the pain you are speaking of! When Miss M was about 6 months old, our debt grew very quickly. We began Financial Peace University about 2.5 years ago, and I can't tell you the peace of mind it gave us, even in the early stages of repaying debts. Hubs and I have even talked about giving FPU as a wedding gift to young couples - we so WISH we knew 12 years ago what we know now!
Praying for you, friend!

Beth@Not a Bow in Sight said...

I could literally have written this. And I think I have several times and then decided not to post about it. It is painful. Let's pray for each other as we make this journey!

cbogie said...

We are there too. WE'll pray for you. And on a practical note, we are using Dave Ramsey's method- Snowballing and using cash only for most of our day to day stuff. It has made a big difference. And we're using Quicken to track stuff. It's not been easy, but it's all making a difference. And if you are both invested in it and each other as I know you are, it'll happen.

Salty Mom said...

I love mint.com too for budgeting it lets you know where your money is going up to the minute from all your accounts if you hook them all up to it.

~Laura said...

Things will get better. Sending prayers your way!

McCrakensx4 said...

Sorry I have been MIA. Hubby and I are facing the same challenges as I read this post and write this comment. I hope and pray that we can all overcome with the help and lead from God.

Cindy Lou said...

You said it best. Debt. Ugly. While we're all being honest here (I'm assuming we ARE now all being honest?) The pain of debt ratcheted up a notch for me this last year as I struggled with debt that most of what was not my doing. It was all revealed when legal steps forced it to the light, and the realization was devastating. Devastating because the pain of the debt came gift wrapped in extreme anger and deep feelings of unfairness. Still though---it was STILL a product of CHOICES! Seth's comment in the message today about wishing to understand what it is in the human psyche that allows self confidence to be drained empty---my thought is that it feels connected. I believe it starts with a seed misplanted....such a debt (weeds!) Debt leads to self doubt. The feeling that we cannot be used while in this "condition". If we cannot be trusted to make good decisions with our doll-hairs, how can God trust us with the "important" work. Self doubt simply pulls the plug on our "tub" of confidence and before you know it, it is all drained bone dry. Just my thoughts when reading your post. THANK YOU :-) We row this boat together! Cindy Lou

Holly said...

This could have been my post. When we first married, we immediately racked up over $22K in cc debt for new furniture and other goofy things we did not need and it has taken almost 4 yrs to pay off. It has not been easy but we have learned so much aong the way: need vs want and the "richer and poorer" truth of our marriage vows. Remember that this is an opportunity to grow as well as share your story with some other young couple/s just starting out. God always has a plan for our "choices". We will be praying for you.

Brandi said...

Debt is terrible. We used to live in a place where your worth as a friend was based on what you had. Everybody trying to outdo each other. I got so tied up in it. Girl, I used to pay $200 for freakin' shoes. We finally put it all behind us and moved and I can't tell you how freeing that was.

I completely understand what you're going through, and you guys will be in my prayers. Hang in there. It will get better.

momstheword said...

We've been in debt and yeah, it can cause a lot of stress. It can be scary, too.

They have some great blogs out there. Some are like moneysaving.mom who gives you tips and help on saving money. Some are just people who are blogging about how they're getting out of debt and encouraging others to do it too.

I wish we'd been wiser with our money when we were first married. But all we can do is be smarter now.

You are doing a smart thing, because once you're out of debt, you will be able to STAY out of debt because of all you've learned in this process.

You're not alone, girl!

Missy said...

Oh Jane Anne, you are not alone.
We have so much debt it is ridiculous. We too made dumb, dumb choices when we were younger and it was so easy to make the choices we did and we are paying for it as well.
It is embarrassing to talk about it to those around us.
We too wish we could do so much more for our children and for those around us.
It is hard.
Praying for you.

Alicia said...

Many of us can relate to this!!! I'll be praying, my friend!

ChupieandJ'smama said...

A very honest post and one that many people can relate too. I'll keep your family in my prayers!!

Jennifer @ The Toy Box Years said...

Thank you for being so open and honest. I'm still paying for bad choices made so long ago. It's ugly, it's painful, and it's devastating. I'm am following you now so that I can be encouraged through your journey.

familynature said...

Thanks for sharing this. Debt and family finances are taboo topics and they shouldn't be!

We have debt too. I wish I knew 10 years ago what I know now. And I wish that personal budgeting was a required course in high school.

Thoughts and prayers coming your way.