I am the one

The words are tucked away somewhere and I am having trouble finding them.

I'm getting close to celebrating 15 years. I want to explain fantastic, fulfilling, exhausting, and humorous. It's all of the that and more. There are good days and challenging days. We have bad days and take-pictures-of-every-moment exciting days.

I'd like to tell you about the man of my dreams. The problem is, I never had a man of my dreams. He just sort of came along, grabbed me and showed me the world as I never knew it.

We've been here and there- 5 states, 8 moves, and 2 year long separations (courtesy of the US Army).

I have been trying to find the words for a couple of days. The words just won't come. Funny. We are never at a lost for words. We talk for hours. We've written letters, emails, and love notes. We'll sit on the floor of our living room and just talk about nothing.

These days, we can't always get a word in. Four gifts from God, four pieces of us, four fighting-for-our-attention energy balls often make so much noise we can't hear ourselves think, much less put together a complete thought out-loud.

We wouldn't trade them. We can't imagine our lives without them.

There are days when I think about the freedom of a life without family. Freedom to do whatever, whenever. I cannot imagine it.

I am the one that makes him smile.
I am the one that knows where he is ticklish.
I am the one that understands his heartaches.
I am the one that knows how loud he snores- and knows how to nudge him just right to make him stop.
I am the one that melts in his arms.
I am the one that tries to understand when he falls asleep while I am talking at night.
I am the one that cannot keep my eyes open when he talks to me in the morning.
I am the one that was there when he lost a loved one to suicide.
I am the one that made him a father.
I am the one that knows his favorites.
I am the one that can push his buttons, frustrate him like no other.
I am the one that encourages and prays for him.

I am the one that he loves.

Our up and down, loud and busy life is ordinary. Our love is extraordinary.

July 22, 1995

July 4, 2010