Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Mom, I'm growing up

Today my oldest is off to camp. He leaves today for a 3 day outdoor science camp. To state that he is excited is to understate his enthusiasm.

He is not a morning kid at all but this morning he bolted out of bed when I said, "Today's the day!" He responded, "Really!?" and then jumped out from under the covers.

His elation is endearing.

My morning was a blaze of activity. My off-to-camp son was unpacking and repacking items. My kindergartner needed a hat for class (and not just any hat will do). My 1st grader needed me to write in his family journal. I was making 2 dozen muffins for a teacher appreciation breakfast. It was insanely busy. After everyone was where they needed to be, I grabbed a coffee and was hit with a realization: this camp is a milestone.

This is the first time my son has gone to an overnight camp.

Oh, I've know this for weeks but today it hit me.

Where did the time go?

Five years ago I walked him into Kindergarten. I took so many pictures. We hugged. He didn't want me to leave. We hugged again.

Today, I walked in as he put up his bags. I gave him him a high five (because that was the only display of affection he wanted at school). I lingered. I had trouble leaving.

Independence. I want it for my kids. But, in the face of a new independence, I felt unsure, uneasy, frozen, unready, and clinging. That couldn't have been me. No. Surely not.

Overnight camp. A milestone... a realization that my son dually craves independence and needs nurturing.

Overnight camp. A milestone... a realization that I mature as a mom as my kids age.

I became a mom 10 years ago. I am growing up a little today.


Alicia The Snowflake said...

I know what you mean! I've been having the same struggles as my son is getting ready to start high school next year. This growing us is hardest on mom.

I hope your son has a great time @ camp!

Kimberly said...

love this picture of jonathan!!!! his excitement is literally bursting out of him!!! i too understand the tug of war on your emotions with your children getting older though i've been "thrown back in time" with mine. every new thing Tanner does is such a delight for me and yet i'm already missing that brand new baby stage. i really think its something we as moms deal with for life once we become mothers.

Deciduous Heather said...

Aww which camp? I wrote a very similar post at the beginning of this week. Happy to say that Dylan is home today finally :) He had a blast, as I am sure your son will!