It's late. I might should hold off writing because I am tired. I cannot stop thinking about facades.
I've been hiding. I mean, seriously, before my post about debt, who knew I was constantly weighed down by the burden of debt?
How many people seem happy but are struggling?
Lonely people are all around me. I am sure of it.
People struggle with insecurities.
Some people regret decisions.
Many just don't like the situation they are in but don't know what to do about it.
For some, there's not much that can be done. They are hurting and they have to endure the pain.
Why do we insist on a guise of strength?
I watched a father walk with his two young sons away from elementary school on Friday. They seemed happy. He's battling cancer. There's no pretense on their part. However, many people around that day had no idea.
It just made me think.
If God only gives us what we can handle, why is it that some things seem unbearable?
Perhaps it is because we do not know how we are supposed to handle things.
We all struggle. I'm struggling.
I am going to be more honest- with myself and others.
I am going to be more open to change. I know I need to change.
I am going to be weak. I am going to depend on God. I am going to pray more.
I am not going to mask my failures.
I am going to try to be real.
I'm going to go deeper in my relationships.
I know one thing- it's gonna hurt. It already does.
Today, my son got hurt at soccer practice. In the middle of the chaos of talking to another parent, some paramedics that just happened to be there, and a dentist on the phone, my 2 year old daughter wandered off without me realizing it. When I realized she was gone, some friends took off searching for her. And, when they brought her to me, I let my emotion show. I surprised myself. I don't like being vulnerable. I usually keep emotions to myself. At best, I share them with my spouse.
I am tired of hiding.
I want others to know me. I wish I were the person I want to be. I am not. I am going to stop pretending.
In the process of becoming more genuine, I am going to look a little closer at others, listen a little better, and pay attention to details.
Authenticity is what I'm after- with myself and my relationships with others and God.