Saturday, September 11, 2010

On Facades, Emotions, and being Genuine

It's late. I might should hold off writing because I am tired. I cannot stop thinking about facades.

People hide.

I've been hiding. I mean, seriously, before my post about debt, who knew I was constantly weighed down by the burden of debt?

How many people seem happy but are struggling?

Lonely people are all around me. I am sure of it.
People struggle with insecurities.
Some people regret decisions.
Many just don't like the situation they are in but don't know what to do about it.
For some, there's not much that can be done. They are hurting and they have to endure the pain.

Why do we insist on a guise of strength?

I watched a father walk with his two young sons away from elementary school on Friday. They seemed happy. He's battling cancer. There's no pretense on their part. However, many people around that day had no idea.

It just made me think.

If God only gives us what we can handle, why is it that some things seem unbearable?

Perhaps it is because we do not know how we are supposed to handle things.

We all struggle. I'm struggling.

I am going to be more honest- with myself and others.
I am going to be more open to change. I know I need to change.
I am going to be weak. I am going to depend on God. I am going to pray more.
I am not going to mask my failures.
I am going to try to be real.
I'm going to go deeper in my relationships.

I know one thing- it's gonna hurt. It already does.

Today, my son got hurt at soccer practice. In the middle of the chaos of talking to another parent, some paramedics that just happened to be there, and a dentist on the phone, my 2 year old daughter wandered off without me realizing it. When I realized she was gone, some friends took off searching for her. And, when they brought her to me, I let my emotion show. I surprised myself. I don't like being vulnerable. I usually keep emotions to myself. At best, I share them with my spouse.

I am tired of hiding.
I want others to know me. I wish I were the person I want to be. I am not. I am going to stop pretending.

In the process of becoming more genuine, I am going to look a little closer at others, listen a little better, and pay attention to details.

Authenticity is what I'm after- with myself and my relationships with others and God.


He & Me + 3 said...

I love that your are such a real blogger Jane do share your heart and put your emotions out there. I feel I know you from your are genuine. I hope you son is ok

Jane Anne said...

Thanks, Mimi. The hard part for me is in real life. I can write about feelings but it's harder to be transparent to those I know.

McCrakensx4 said...

I have the same feelings and thought to myself as I read your post...this is so much like me. It is hard to let our wall down and let people see us...really see us. There are days when I don't think it's a 'good' morning. I love how open and genuine you are and how big your heart is. And I am glad you found your daughter and hope that your son is ok. ((hugs)) go you Jane Anne.

Mimi said...

Our bible study group is forever focused on being real. We started off being totally real with one another, in a totally safe & loving environment. Now we're trying to real with the rest of the world.

I actually just changed my Blogger profile to reflect something the more real me!

I hope your kids are doing ok.

Hugs and love,

Linda F. said...

Jane Anne, I think this is a lesson that we all need to do. I have always been one to keep it to myself or at best with my husband. I need to be reminded to be more transparent. Thank you for the encouragement to show the real me.

Foursons said...

You are going through a very difficult time in your life.

ON top of all the financial and marriage stress, having your son get hurt and then losing your daughter for a short time would be more stress than most moms could handle. Hang in there, God is walking you through this valley.

Jane Anne said...

Thanks for the encouragement, Julie. While I agree this is a challenging time in my life, this isn't a new struggle for me. I tend to hide my emotions and try to put on a strong front. I tend to try to be put together for others. Everyone loves happy, well adjusted people. However, being real is more meaningful. I just want to be more transparent with my friends. I also think I can learn a lot about others if I am more aware. Hope all that makes sense!

The Puyallup Earnhardts said...

I know what you mean JA. Oh do I know what you mean. It was so hard to be real last week. I pray God gives me the strength to keep being real! And you too. Man do I wish you still lived here!

Missy said...

JA, I know you mostly through the virtual world, but I have to say that I feel like I know you much more deeply then that. I think you are more transparent then you think.
I too know what it is like to hide behind facades; to put on a face for the outside world. Besides my heavenly Father, I feel as if there is no one that TRULY knows me here on earth. I don't have those connections that I long for, yet at times, I am sure it is because I hold myself back.
Maybe we can help each other break down those walls this year.

Beth E. said...

I don't like to show my emotions, either. Well, at least in in my community. That's why I blog. It allows me to share emotions I don't normally allow people to see. You've given me a lot to think about, Jane Anne.

Keep us posted on your son's dental visit today. Praying for him!


samantha said...

I felt so bad that she walked off. I should have helped keep an eye on her while you helped him. I'm so so sorry. I just figured she would stay by your side. I'm glad she was okay and we are looking forward to Thomas getting to play in the GAME this weekend.