Friday, March 10, 2006

Oh you think that's bad

What is it with people who want to share bad stories? I mean, why is it that we decide to try to connect with someone through a terrible story? Ask any pregnant women or woman that has been pregnant if these questions make sense and you will hear a resounding Yes-- or see an enthusiastic nod of the head. Pregnant women always hear the terrible birth stories. I just don't get it.
My bad story example for today: I met a woman tonight at a friend's house. We ended up talking about my son's severe allergy to peanuts and how protecting him is scary. And, the woman said, 'Ohhh, that's bad. I knew someone that had a peanut allergy. She bit into a brownie that had nuts in it but she didn't know it. She died. It was so quick and she was only 14." All I could say was, "Wow." But, tonight as I ponder that conversation, I have to wonder WHY she wanted to share that with me. How did that help anything? It ended the conversation and it certainly didn't help me with my struggle. I wonder if she regretted sharing the story. But, I imagine that like most small talk gone astray she probably didn't give it another thought. And, here I am a mere 6 hours later thinking about it.


Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness! Which one has a peanut allergy? I didn't know that! Does he have anaphylactic reactions or something else?

Some people just have no tact. Of course, all of us have had "foot in the mouth" moments, too. ;-)


Jane Anne said...

David has the peanut allergy. He would have anaphylactic reactions. We found out when he was 1 1/2. I just had him retested a couple of weeks ago. His allergy has gotten worse. He has an Epipen.

I am learning a lot about protecting him... and trying not to let it scare me.


Anonymous said...

Jane Anne, I don't know why but this got me thinking about all the "dumb" things people say (but supposedly well intentioned). My pastor has mentioned several times about the well-intentioned but hurtful things people said to him and his wife when they had miscarriages.

My biggest "ugh" is the dumb things (but I know they must be well intentioned, right?) people say when my husband is gone with the Air Force. Funny, but military wives never say them, but people who have no connection with the military are the ones who do. The one that I think is the worst one I have been told yet (when people hear that my husband is TDY) is: "well, at least you're used to it." Ugh, what is that about? I guess to me it just made me feel like his/our sacrifice was belittled and like I don't miss him and it isn't hard because he has been gone a lot in his career.

Sorry for venting. I don't know why but all day since I read this post, I have been thinking about sharing this. I hope you didn't mind.


Hope said...

I didn't realize that about David either. I'm sure that it's not easy.

I think that the reason people do this is because they have such a desire to "fit in" and be included in the conversation/group that they say anything that would relate to be included.

I'm sure that I've said stuff that wasn't really relevant to the conversation at the time just because I feel out of place and want to contribute. I sure hope that I haven't had a "foot in mouth" moment as bad as that though. :(