More than I am

I'm not sure where I'm going with this post. Let me just put that out there before I begin.

I love to write. I write in random places- numerous journals that float around my home, on notebook paper, or in documents on my computer. Sometimes my words are just ramblings. Other times, they speak as an outpouring of my heart. I like to pray about what weighs on my heart. Sometimes, even when I don't know why, I want to share.

I started reading a book this week called "The Story of Jane". I picked it up randomly (or sort of randomly since the name Jane caught my attention) at the library. It's pretty interesting so far. Jane finds a package that contains the manuscript of a novel. The novel is her story. It contains intimate details of her life and she is left wondering who wrote the novel. I'm not even half way through the book so I can't recommend it, yet.

I have a good friend that is mourning the loss of a friend. The friend of my friend died suddenly- tragically.

Throughout the day I keep finding myself wondering about my life. What will my loved ones reminisce about when I am gone? If I am able to realize my life is about to end, will I be satisfied with how I lived out my days? What will the story of Jane Anne be?

It's almost too much to think about. But, I keep thinking about it anyway.

I am also thinking about friendships.

Several times this week, I have benefited from caring friends. Examples include: 1) A friend offered to watch my daughter so I could take my boys to an event. I showed up for the event on the wrong date. My friend came back the next day to do it again. 2) A friend brought me coffee and choose to hang out and talk while our kids played. 3) A friend called me after an email misunderstanding. 4) My son that has a peanut allergy went to dinner and to a movie with a friend. When I asked if the parent needed a refresher on the Epipen, he said that he rewatched the Epipen video that afternoon. 5) A friend asked me to watch her kids in a time of need. 6) A friend (my spouse) took on more work so I could continue with my already made plans. 7.) A friend called to ask if they could watch my kids during a meeting. 8) A friend made a meaningful compliment about my son.

Many times other people don't even realize that they made a difference in my day- or even my week. They can't know how much their kind word encouraged me. They cannot sense how much their act of kindness made me feel loved.

I want to be that kind of friend. I want to look for ways to serve others. I want to be there for them- not just when they ask. I want to sense needs and be more giving. I want to make the extra effort to do the little things. The little things can mean so much.

I'm not writing all of this down to suggest that I failing at my friendships or that I am dissatisfied with my life.

I'm just thinking it through, wanting to become more than I am.