I have been thinking about Easter. I have also been thinking a great deal about my friends whose husbands are being sent to the middle east.
As you know from several of my posts, I have been remembering the events and feelings that I experienced when my husband was being sent to Iraq. I was proud of my husband and his mission. He had my full support.
But, it was tremendously difficult.
I remember vividly the feeling of dread as the deployment approached. I remember the heightened emotions. I remember crying. I remember clinging to each happy moment we had as a couple and as a family. I remember planning out the last month of our time together. I was really careful with the details of the last week. I remember approaching each day as if it was the last. Oh, I didn't want it to be the last. I couldn't fathom that. I also couldn't ignore the danger of the war zone where my husband was going. And so, each passing day drew me closer to something that I didn't want. I didn't want the separation. I couldn't imagine the pain. I just knew that it was going to hurt. It was going to tear me apart.
I dreaded deployment day with an intensity that I had not felt before.
This week I have tried to imagine what Christ must have felt the week before being crucified. He knew. He knew what was coming. He knew the cross was part of the plan. He was aware of the plan from the beginning. He didn't desire the pain.
He knew it was going to hurt.
He was aware of the price. He did not want to be separated from God. He was willing but prayed for another way. I cannot fathom the magnitude of his grief. I cannot understand his willingness. I cannot comprehend the intensity of his feelings.
I remember the dread I felt when my husband was about to go to war. It left a profound ache in my heart.
I think about how Christ might have felt in the still of the nights the week before his crucifixion.
He could have choosen another path. I am thankful that he didn't.
I am thankful that Christ went to the cross so that I can have a relationship with God.
That's what I am thankful for this week.