Strong Parenting

I am amused by the viral video of a mother smacking her son around for being a part of the Baltimore protests. She's been called the Hero Mom and The Natural Hero. I am amused about this for a few reasons. It is interesting to see what goes viral. The video was entertaining. What causes me the most amusement, though, is how people (myself included) applaud this mother for strongly and physically stopping her child from bad behavior. The Baltimore situation seems to justify the Baltimore mom's use of force. What a strong woman to react without hesitation and without concern for judgment! Her child was in harm's way- both a present harm and a perceived future of harm. So, she did what she needed to do. She pulled him off the path of destruction.
I am glad she stood her ground. I do not have a problem with her being commended for taking charge of her child. Quite frankly, like many others, I found the story heart-warming.

But, there is a disconnect.
The same people who applaud this strong mother would probably be disgusted by a mother spanking a child at the grocery store.
People cringe when they see parents enforcing consequences for bad behavior. We cringe because it makes us feel uncomfortable. We cringe because we do not know if someone will view it as abusive.
Admonishment of children, especially if done in a public setting, is not lauded.
Therefore, character development is often saved for home.
I do not believe it is optimal.
I cannot count the times where I chose to delay a punishment because I was within the public eye. On numerous occasions, I would then either forget to go forward with the disciplinary consequences or chose not to because life had moved on.
I see a society that craves strong parenting but prefers for the discipline of children to be done behind closed doors.
There is a disconnect.
It is both amusing and maddening.

Compelled to Move

I heard something last Sunday that I can't stop thinking about. The little quip has been rolling around in my head all week and I cannot stop wanting to apply it to my life.

If you are coasting through life, you are not going in the right direction. If you are coasting, you are going down hill.

I am pondering how this applies to me spiritually and physically. I can apply it to the effort I am putting into relationships and towards my goals and dreams.


I can apply this to most areas of my life. 

On Wednesday, it prompted me to ask the elderly man who was finishing putting his groceries away in his handicap space parked car, if I could take his cart back.

It was nothing for me to do it.
He smiled.

There are little things I can do each day. I am sure of it.

Some days this week, it has simply meant being more appreciative of those around me.
My world is shaded with goodness.

I am also aware that in my town, in my city, people are struggling.
I wonder how I can make a difference to others.

There are bigger things that I need to do.
Or maybe, the "bigger things" are simply a sum of all of the smaller things I can do.

My heart has been stirred.
I will read more.
I will pray more.
I will serve more.
I will share more.
I will act.

I am asking myself-  Am I coasting?

Are you coasting?

Hiking to New Heights: Growth and Maturity

A few weeks ago we took the kids on a small hike.

The kids were thrilled. They stomped in snow, waded through a stream, picked up sticks, discovered cool rocks and pine cones and wandered on and off of the trail.

I have three boys and a little girl. They were consumed with the sights and sounds of nature.

We were surprised when my four year old daughter off-handedly said,
"I'm afraid of hikes."

She said it more than once but then she'd immediately run or splash in the stream, laugh or look intently at some precious mud covered gem.

My husband and I were confused by her statement.
We didn't give it much thought as we watched the kids soak up the sunshine and the stream.

After awhile, my husband had to return to the car to retrieve an item and my daughter asked -begged- for him to get her blanket, her "Bobby."

With as much whine as she could inflect, she said,
"I am afraid of hikes... like David."

My husband and I exchanged a knowing look.

As my husband grabbed a few items from the car, my daughter tromped happily through the water.

He delivered her beloved blanket. She hugged it, looked at us with all of the seriousness she could muster and informed us, "I am afraid of hikes. Like David."

My four year old daughter, Elisabeth, adores her 8 year old brother, David.
She wants to do everything he does.
At dinner, if I give a drink choice, her drink selection is "What David has."
She copies him in every way she can.
There have even been times that she has said she wishes she was a boy so she could be "like David".
It's humorous and at times, very frustrating.
She often refuses the choices that she would prefer because she prefers to be like her brother more than anything else.

~~~
There are times when I look to those that I admire with longing. I want to have what they have. I want to be the person they are.
I have tried to emulate the behaviors that I admire in others. I copy leadership traits.

I don't think about it like that, of course. I am just trying to learn from others and grow. I want to be mature. A strong woman. Spiritually solid.
I have looked up to those that I see as pillars of faith, those that exemplify the woman that I want to be.
I want to be like them.
I want the good I see in them.

It isn't all bad.
It is just dangerous.

Though my motives are pure, I cannot become the woman that I want to be by looking at others.
I have to grow from within. I have to depend on my faith. I have to look to God- the only one that can truly form me into who I need to be.
For I cannot truly discern from another's behavior where their motivation comes from. I may misunderstand what they say or I may interpret what they do incorrectly. I may misread that very well written book. I may glean something unintended from a sweet comment from a friend.

Or, more likely than not, I may not be able to be what they are because I am not made to be them.

~~~~~

My daughter reminded me of these truths.

My son David is not afraid of hikes.

He is afraid of heights.

~~~~~


I can only be the person God wants me to be by depending on God.

Living

I can be fragile.

I can be broken in so many ways. Hurt feelings. Poor self image. Lack of ambition. Loss of life. A change of plans.


I can be affected by others. The quickly spoken words of another person can linger in my mind for weeks. I hate it when I let that happen. I can internalize disappointment, criticism, loneliness and more. I often let the imperfections of myself and others leave a mark on my daily outlook.

A tattoo.

I am tattooed by failures and longings for what is out of reach.

I am stained.

The struggles, the pain, the selfishness stain my life and affect me each day.

I press on, but my vision is clouded by poor choices and the imperfection in my life.

I press on, but I am jaded and unimpressive.

Love changes everything.

I stop. I pray. I ask God for help.

The broken stained pieces of my life are taken and put together in an array of color and life. I have a life rearranged.

With God, and a sustaining belief that Jesus died and rose again, I am transformed.

I bring my broken pieces to the Father. He artistically creates. He puts me together.

The world provides nothingness. Broken pieces.
With the world's viewpoint, no matter how I am put together, I am dull and useless.


God provides life.
With a dependence on God, I live a life vibrantly illuminated by God's love.


On this day, I choose life.
And, I pray that I will make the same choice tomorrow.

"The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing..." John 6:63

Driving with the Parking Brake On

A few months back, I had a terrible habit of forgetting to release my parking brake. I would get just a tiny bit out of the driveway and realize my car was moving too slow. I would back out of a parking place at the grocery store, start to pull forward and realize my brake was still on.

The worst times were when I didn't realize my car was driving sluggish until I went a few blocks.

Driving with a parking brake on is bad for a car. It not only slows the car's speed, damage can be done to the car.

You can't put words back in your mouth once they come out.

Recently, I've heard this truth portrayed a variety of ways.

• When you pull a tooth, you can't put it back in your mouth.
• When you pull all of the leaves off a branch, you cannot put them back on. Even if you tape them, the leaves aren't really a part of the branch any more.
• If you squeeze all of the toothpaste out of the tube, you cannot put it back in.

These simple illustrations have reminded me to be slow to speak.

My heart cries:

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer." Psalm 19:14.

But what about when I'm hurt by words from others?

Often enough, I go through my days sluggishly with the hurtful words (or my perceived opinion) of another weighing me down.

I know so many people that are hurting due to the actions or words of others.

The flip side of the "watch what you say" admonishment is: "watch what you take to heart."

When I let the words of others tear my self esteem down or hurt my feelings, I fail to appreciate the goodness in my life. I cannot see past the pain and be thankful.

When I accept hurtful words from someone else, I essentially lift up a brake and slow myself down emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I may just seem to be having a hard time having a good attitude, but in truth, I am taking on a weight that is doing internal damage.

It's so easy to let other people affect me.

I had to encourage my son tonight after some other kids said hurtful things to him. I wanted him to realize that pressing on without taking the words to heart is what's best. But, the words hurt. Kids can be so mean...

And so can adults.

I want to submerge myself in this practice- even when other people don't know there's an issue:

"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against each other. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Colossians 3:13

I want to live without the unnecessary weight of unkind words. I want to live as if I am driving and I don't have to put on the parking brake when unkind words and actions fly at me.

I'm not sure I will ever fully achieve this. I do believe the more I can do this, the less anxiety I will feel. The less I take harmful words to heart, the more I can cultivate a thankful spirit.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Phillippians 4:6

Frogs at Wal-mart

You know what I am learning this week? I am learning to not discount the perspective of others too quickly.

I don't think of myself as someone that would dismiss the ideas of others. And, yet, I did that this week because I already knew what I thought was best. I asked for input and then didn't take the time to fairly consider the input I got because it wasn't inline with what I was thinking.

Looking back, it seems like a mark of true immaturity.

Looking back, I am thankful that I recognized my mistake.

Sometimes when I am so focused on what I already know to be true, I fail to consider out of the box ideas or situations. I limit myself to what I know.

I don't want to do that. I don't want to be the kind of person that cannot see past the concrete to consider the abstract.

I didn't even contemplate all of this until my daughter showed me the frogs at Wal-mart.

We were hurriedly shopping because my To-Do list is a bit over-run with tasks. She kept saying "Fraa... Fraa!" and pointing up. I figured out she was saying frog. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out why she was saying frog when we were headed to the diapers section. She wasn't just saying it, either. She was excited about the frog. It was one of those, 'what has gotten in to my 2 year old?' moments.

And, then I saw the frog face.


Now, I'll see the frog at Wal-mart everytime I visit. Just like that, something that has always been is forever changed for me. In one little trip to Wal-mart, my daughter gave me a vision of frogs and a gift of a new perspective.

Christmas Crazy

The fire is going. The lights on the tree are blinking. I am sipping coffee out of my Christmas mug. I watched It's A Wonderful life last night. With any luck, I'll get my Christmas village out today. The scene is peacefully set.

My mind is overloaded with an out of control to-do list and my heart is hurting with misplaced intentions.

I heard someone say recently that they couldn't wait for Christmas to be over.

It was startling. I cringed when I heard it. Yet, there was part of me that longed to scream "Yes, I know what you mean."

Every year I think I am going to do better. I will shop early. I will mail the presents right after Thanksgiving. The decorations will be up so I can enjoy my family and bask in the holiday spirit.

This year is the same as last year. I am scrambling to get gifts bought and mailed. I have not mailed a Christmas card. I haven't participated in any community Christmas events. I did not budget well enough to buy the gifts I wish I could. Instead, I am looking for impressive gifts for low cost.

I have read a few blogs that speak of a simple and focused Christmas. At first the words were refreshing and inspiring but as the days and weeks wore on, I felt a burden of failure. My Christmas isn't simple (again). Christmas is 10 days away. I cannot possibly do all that I want to do. It's isn't the missed parade that bothers me most. I am frustrated that I do not have an abundance of time to spend focused on others. Instead, my To Do list is never done.

Why, oh why, did I let Christmas get this Crazy?

I read something this morning that jolted me. The first words read as if I wrote them. The last part pointed me in the direction I needed to go.

I encourage you to take a few minutes to read this: A Backwards December

I allowed frustration to take hold in my heart. Disappointment reigned in my spirit as I desired to give relationally to others.

I missed the whole point.

"But unless I first receive from Him, I realize too late I have nothing to give."

Powerful. Changing. Purpose-giving.

It's crazy to celebrate Christmas and not spend time with God each day.

"The only reason Christmas means anything in the first place is because of who Jesus is to us everyday."

My God, why do I give up my time with you so I can rush to celebrate you? There is nothing more crazy than that. Why do I stress that I am not giving others my time and love, when I have not given God my praise?

My Christmas is changing- today. I may not be able to devote the financial resources I wish I had to someone in need. I may not be able to participate in a charity effort in large fashion. I may not be able to powerfully display to my children the purpose of giving. I may not be able to do those things on my own. I can focus on God, pray and read the Bible. I can stop focusing on me. I can stop focusing on my failures. Who knows what God will show me when I do that.

With Him as my focus, Christmas won't be crazy.

"He is not in the business of overwhelming us. He is in the business of loving people, one at a time."

Building Roadblocks

I am putting up walls.
I am setting limits for myself.
I am asking myself if all of the activity is necessary.
I am stopping myself from participating.
I am guarding my relationships.
I am searching for the simple way.
I am putting up roadblocks.



On any given day after preschool, my four year old will ask me to drive over to "the dead end". It's a quick drive and it provides him with a little thrill, especially when I drive like I don't know it's there and then stop suddenly as if I am surprised. He loves this little game.

During the last few visits we have talked about figuring out how to get to the other side. The road ends but it backs right up to another road and another neighborhood. We want to explore and end up on the other side. We haven't done it yet but I am sure we will.

Last week when we made the short trek to the dead end I began to wonder the purpose of the road block. The road ends and a few feet later it begins again. In between, there is a large roadblock.

I usually think that roadblocks are negative. They stop progress.

But what if a roadblock is intended for good?

One neighborhood may have petitioned not to be connected to another neighborhood. The city could have decided it didn't want a road that would allow traffic to flow through the residential area.

I have decided roadblocks can be helpful- even good. I am considering where I need to construct roadblocks in my life.

I'd like to construct a roadblock for my tendency to over commit. Right now I am at my limit for activities. In truth, I think I am doing too much. I wish there had been a roadblock when I had reached my load limit.

There are other areas where I am sensing a need for roadblocks. I want to spend less and consume less -so I can give more. I need a wall to stop my extra spending and my indulgent appetite. And, even though I have fantastic friends, I want to set a limit on how much time I devote to relationships. I have to dedicate adequate time to myself and my family first. I need a roadblock to appear and block my way when I am not walking passionately in faith, spending time in prayer and reading scriptures. I need a train traffic stop roadblock for that area of my life.


I am not sure if I am burdened this way because this season often highlights consumerism and tempts me with longings to have more than I have. It may be because I have so many activities this month and a full to do list. I don't know the reason. I just know that I need more roadblocks.

So, I am focusing on:
- putting up walls.
- setting limits for myself.
- asking myself if all of the activity is necessary.
- stopping myself from participating.
- guarding my relationships.
- searching for the simple way.
- putting up roadblocks.

Dirty Dishes, One Big Mess, and a Humble Heart

I have two goals today. Today I am going to get my kitchen clean and provide my kids dinner. I have been feeling icky for days and my place is a wreck.

There is a pile of laundry waiting to be folded on the couch. I had to put it there because there was a pile of washed laundry waiting in the washer to be dried.

There are little pieces of paper on the kitchen floor from yesterday (I think it was yesterday) when my 4 year old was practicing cutting (he needs those cutting skills).

The toys are all over the living room. That's a given on most days but today it seems worse.

The kitchen is the worst it has ever been. The waffle iron is still sitting on the counter to be cleaned from Saturday night. The griddle from last night's grilled cheese sandwiches just got washed. Thankfully for the counter space, we ordered pizza on Saturday night. We have managed to run the dishwasher each day but, beyond that, the leftover dishes have not been done. It is bad. There are also Sierra Mist cans sitting out. I don't know why but when I feel bad, I want Sierra Mist or Sprite to drink. So, the empty cans clutter the counter waiting to be recycled.



My husband and I have been feeling bad since Saturday. He stayed home from work most of the day yesterday. Today he has to work and he won't be home until after the kids are in bed. Today, it's all me and I don't feel up to it.

I have had 5,467 interruptions since I started writing this post.

I almost can't remember why I started this post. Oh, right- I remember...

I feel real. This is a bit of real life -dirtiness, struggling to keep up, constant interruptions, and distractions. It's humbling to be in this place. It's real.

I sat down with my cup of coffee, my bagel, my good book, a pencil and some paper. I read a bit. I had to keep my daughter from drawing on my devotional book. I had to keep her from tearing the fine paper pages of my Bible. After a bit, I gave up, put the binder, book and pencil on my counter.


I am not sure what I got from the verses I read today.

It doesn't matter. I am hanging on. I am holding on to all that's left to hold on to.

I don't feel good and I despise the state of my house.

I am pressing on.

I am bringing my dishes to the sink, washing and scrubbing, and setting them out to dry.

I am bringing my dirt, unashamed, to God.

Good Enough

Sometimes I struggle.
I wonder if I am doing a good job.

I am my worst critic. I evaluate what I do in all areas of my life and I don't measure up. I see my flaws.

I notice what I didn't do or what I didn't say. I think about what I shouldn't have said. I wonder if what I said came across wrong.

I think about how I could be more attentive to my children. I think about how I could be better at disciplining them. I could be training them to be more organized. I could if only I were more organized.

I think about the places in my community where I have gotten involved and I wonder if I am making a difference. I wonder if I am spread too thin. I wonder if every activity and group I am in suffer because I am doing too many things at once.

Sometimes I grapple with my insufficiencies so much that they consume my attention.
Instead of seeing myself, I see the worst of myself.

My life may be a beautiful web of interactions with people, involvement in activities, and development of my faith but I often focus on my weaknesses.

I see the parts that aren't just right.

I think, "If I work hard enough, I can do better." I want the best.

I get hung up on my deficiencies. When I do that, the small problems overwhelm me. I see holes that I cannot fix.

I was not meant to be perfect.

This truth is hard for me to reckon with. I have vision of how I want thing to turn out. I cannot think of a time when I have been able to accomplish everything I wanted. Something could have always been just a bit better.

When it comes to myself, I struggle with focusing on the positive.

I am learning that to be satisfied accomplishing a task even when I know I could have done better.

I am learning that despite my flaws, God can use my efforts.

I need to trust that God is giving me the tools I need. He will use my best efforts.

As long as I am not focused on what went wrong, I can still be effective in what I am supposed to accomplish.

Vulnerability

This past week at church we talked about being vulnerable and the importance of vulnerability in real relationships. It was easy for me to think about and imagine. I long for intimacy and openness with my friends. I desire close friendships.

I should have known that there would be test.

Isn't that the way life often works?

I despise conflict. I avoid it. I tend to be a peacemaker and I usually work to find a diplomatic solution to challenging people situations.

Monday rolled around and I was faced with the reality of a disagreement. My inclination is to avoid the conflict. It isn't really a personal conflict. I just disagree with the way something is being handled. The problem surfaced with a group of people I love. For a variety of reasons, I hesitantly decided to be a part of the group again this year. Now, I find myself wanting to opt out of the group.

My loving, better half suggested last night: "Ya know, the mature thing to do would be to talk about how you feel and be honest."

Now I am reeling from the realization that real relationships aren't just sharing on a deeper level.

Real relationships require me being open with my frustrations. It needs to be more than just being honest, if asked. That's where it's hard for me.


Today I will stretch out of my comfort zone. I will share my heart. I will be loving and honest... and vulnerable. I will be real with a friend.


~The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.~

Just Hold Me

My little girl will be 2 in November. The other night when I went to put her in bed, we headed for the rocking chair and I was shocked to find that she wanted me to rock her. I needed to get her in bed sort of quickly because it was getting late, it was a school night and my boys were waiting for me downstairs. It was my 2nd son's birthday. I put her in her crib and she started crying.

This was unusual behavior for her. Normally, I try to rock her and she wants to get in bed. She will point to her bed as I am trying to rock her. If I say, "Do you want to get in bed?" She will nod her head up and down to say yes. I have tried all sorts of things - singing to her and reading books. She enjoys me reading books but she doesn't settle in and snuggle. She is not much of a cuddler. She wants her blanket and pacifier and then she wants to go to bed.

I went out of the room and told the boys to carry on without me. Then, I gave my little girl some extra attention.

I savor the moments when my kids are in my lap, relaxed and peaceful. I love being with them. I love wrapping them up in my arms and holding them close.

Sometimes, my daughter's independence saddens me. She wants her "paci" and "blankie" and space. I give her what she needs. I provide for her. But, I love to hold her.

Often, I am not all that different than my two year old.

I approach my days with my faith but I just grab what I think I need to make it. I go about my activities praying here and there. I may grab an encouraging word - reading a few Bible verses or even writing them down. God provides for me. He is there with me and I can turn to him when necessary.

It is just that too often, I don't sit with him.

I need to draw to close to God. I need to rest with him. I need to walk in his open arms and let him hold me.

I need to be still. I need to know he is God.

Psalm 46:10 - Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in all the earth.

This is always true. It is especially powerful for me to remember during this busy season when school and activities are starting up.

An Original Recipe

Last night I made biscuits. I love warm homemade biscuits with melted butter and a little bit of honey. They just melt in your mouth.

My grandmother makes the best biscuits. I grew up adoring going to her house for many reasons just one of which was her amazing breakfasts that included biscuits made from scratch.

Sometime before I got married (and then again after I got married), I got her to show me how to make her biscuits. The most difficult part- adding a little flour and little milk until the dough felt just right. She tried to measure out the ingredients just for me. A dash of this equals about 1/4 teaspoon and a handful of this equals around 1/2 cup. She did her best to show me and I did my best to imitate.

My imitation biscuits were not good.

They didn't turn out right no matter what I did. They were flat or dry or didn't have the right taste. Still, I wanted biscuits. I wanted to master making them from scratch.

I turned to a cookbook and found a recipe for biscuits. The recipe calls for many of the same ingredients as my grandmother's biscuits. These biscuits were a breeze to make and tasted delightful.

I was thinking about all of this last night when I made my biscuits. You see, my biscuits are not my grandmother's delicious biscuits but they are good.

As I was kneeding the dough, began to think about myself and how hard I work to be who I am.

I was reminded that I often try hard to imitate someone I look up to. I look at other people and want to be like them. I can take the steps that I see someone else taking. I can adopt the same attitude someone else has. I can try to absorb the knowledge someone else has.

However, I cannot be them.

I may have the same ideals and beliefs as someone else but that does not mean that I was meant to turn out the same. There is no cookie cutter that will yield excellence.

I have my own strengths and weaknesses. I have my own personality. I have my own unique perspective on life. To excel, I have to stop comparing myself to others.

I may not be as good as I think others are. But, I am good.

When my focus is right, when I find direction through prayer and reading my Bible, I will excel the way I am supposed to.

Rocks in the Sand

I look at the rocks in the sand.

Pebbles irratically placed catch my eye.

I am drawn to a red rock.

I am caught by the sight of a broken shell.

I forget to look up.

I forget to gaze at the ocean.

Each day my attention is given to small, insignificant tasks. I run myself ragged managing the mundane details of a household of 6. There are joys, of course. Just last night my littlest sat on the potty and peed. There are struggles. Why, oh why, do boys always want to resolve arguments in a physical manner? I make my way through each day, taking quiet inventory of triumphs and failures.

Some days, I forget to thank God for the blessings and pour out my heart for my burdens. I forget to look up.

I don't want to miss the ocean because I am looking at the rocks in the sand.

The Root of the Problem

I love this pot. I am comfortable with it. I could put it almost anywhere in my home and enjoy it.

I had to take the plant out of the pot because it was not growing strong. The plant was getting less and less healthy.

The plant kept growing but the leaves were not strong or healthy. In fact, several had been falling off.

The problem was the plant had no room to grow.

The roots were growing tighter and tighter around themself.

The roots took in the nutrients from the soil and water but couldn't get them to where they were needed.

As I started working on re-potting my plant, I realized that my life has been a lot like my little plant. I am growing. I continue to give myself what I need to grow (food, exercise, friends, reading the Bible, and prayer). I have been growing. I am just not sure I am growing strong enough.

I am comfortable with my life. I have great friends. I am involved in wonderful activies. I read. I exercise. I play. I lead a healthy, happy life.

I keep myself tightly contained in my life.

I need to take myself out of my self-created comfortable space. I need to spread out. I need to look for opportunities to meet, serve, and get to know other people. I must search for ways to grow (in my relationships, my intelligence, and my spiritual understanding).

I know that if I am to get stronger, I have to face challenges.

I am open to the work that must be done in my heart and my life.

I should expect struggles and challenges, as I pull my comfort-zone apart.

I gave my plant a bigger pot, fresh soil, and water.

I know that stepping out of my comfort zone will lead to opportunities, relationships and a strengthened faith.

I want to continue to grow. I want to grow strong.

This plant is now on my kitchen counter. It's roots are on my mind and challenging me not to be so comfortable in my life that I unable to grow.

Keep-Away

This week was the last week of T-ball and Coach Pitch baseball for 2 of my boys. It was a quick season since we were out of town for a couple of weeks. Earlier this week, my son had an end of the season party after the last game at a local park. Hot dogs were grilled, side dishes and desserts were brought and the kids had a blast playing on the playground.

As I was waiting for the hot dogs to be grilled, I watched the kids playing. I noticed that the kids were playing keep-away from my son. They had his baseball hat and they were running and passing it to each other while my son tried to catch up with them. I wondered if my son was having fun or getting frustrated. It pained me to watch the game. (I found out later from my husband that my son had played the game the other way around, playing keep away from another kid. He was not innocently being picked on. His game just went on a lot longer because he wasn't as fast as the other kids. But, I didn't know that as I watched.)

My son couldn't keep up and the keep-away game kept going on and on. It seemed like forever to his mom. My 19 month old daughter started making her way to the playground and I followed her. As I got closer to the kids, I quickly realized my son was getting upset. He looked like he was about to cry.

I said his name and stopped him with my hand. I said his name again, stronger. I told him that if he was tired of playing, he should stop running. I said, 'They will not keep running if you stop chasing them.' In a matter of moments, as he was looking at me in desperation, the kids dropped his hat. The game was over. My son was relieved.

After dinner, my son went and played with the other kids like nothing ever happened.

I couldn't stop thinking about the game and how it ended.

A parallel jumped to my mind. Why is it that I often chase (or long for) things that I don't have? I run after them (at least in my mind) with great enthusiasm. I strive for one more thing. I push for it. I get frustrated because it takes time to earn what I want. I keep on struggling to get it, even though I don't need it. It's like the keep-away game. When I see others with something I don't have, I want it. I forget what I have and I long for more and more.

Once I recognize that I have what I need, my discontentment will disappear.

It seems simple when I listen to the thoughts in my mind. It is difficult when I am the kid watching the others play. It is only possible when I depend on a God that reaches my heart with a strong hand and a quiet voice.

My Rock

A few months ago, I went to the coast. I took a walk on the beach and soaked up the sights and smells. I was amazed by the beauty of nature. I found myself fascinated by a bird on a rock. Waves crashed in around the bird. The bird stood still. The tide was coming in. As I watched, the splash of the waves got bigger. The bird was not startled by the force of the water. The bird continued to rest on the rock. Another bird flew by. The bird stayed.


I watched the bird for a long time. I was reminded of how easily my circumstances can rattle me. I was reminded of verses that refer to God as our Rock.

Psalm 19:14
May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Psalm 78:35
They remembered that God was their Rock, that God Most High was their Redeemer.

I cannot shake the image of the bird from my mind. It challenges me. When my daily grind gets on my nerves, when I am too busy, when people I know do things that baffle me, when I don't have a good attitude, I must remember my Rock.

I must remember to spend time -in my solitary place - talking to God and reading my Bible.

Then, when the world swirls around me, I can stand strong.

Catch and Release

Whether it is complaints from our kids, criticism from someone we love, or our own self-defeating thoughts, we are bombarded with negativity everyday.

Whoa, I know what you are thinking, I don't know if I want to read this post. Read on. I have been giving this considerable thought and I hope my thoughts make you think.

A few weeks ago, I spent some time talking to some friends about burdens. We all felt weighed down by stress or worry. For each of us, there was some kind of conflict in our lives -either with someone else or internally. We were all struggling. Someone said something to this affect: "I just don't know how to let go."

We cannot control all of the factors that push negativity our way. Negativity can arrive in the form of complaints, criticism, worry, or self-abasement. We can control what we do with our thoughts.

I don't think controlling our thought process is easy. I do think being proactive in this area will relieve a lot of stress. How often when you think of stress in your life, do you relate it to your own attitude and thinking? We underestimate the harm we do to ourselves with our own thinking.

After all, when I am most content - when I have the most peace of mind- it isn't because of my external situations. My thoughts and attitude are the most important factors to determine my level of contentment.

I believe that I should recognize a negative thought (the catch) and then let it go (the release).

That sounds great - but how do I do that?

I am being challenged by this. I am training my mind. I want to take every thought captive. I am consciously cultivating an awareness of my thoughts. I am convinced that holding on to a negative thought cannot help me in any way.

I don't pretend that I am not thinking negatively. I simply recognize it and determine to let go of it.

Sometimes, I recognize a negative thought and I simply stop myself from thinking that way. Other times, I recognize negativity and I pray over those thoughts. I pray for my concern, the situation, or the person involved. Prayer is an effective way for me to release my negative thoughts.

There are times when I struggle. I know I mentioned that I was "struggling" after David's allergic reaction. I recognized that holding on to negativity (or my anger) could not help me at all but I kept struggling. So, I asked a few friends to pray for me. I struggled and then found a release in relying on friendship and prayer.

There are few things in my life that I can control. With practice, I am gaining control over my thoughts. I am becoming more aware of my thoughts and, as I result, I am more in tune with my emotions. In becoming more aware of negativity, I am turning more over in prayer. The things I cannot control, I leave in God's hands.

Lost... in thought

Do you ever have so much on your mind that you cannot think straight?

On Saturday night, I crawled into bed and then remembered the laundry in the washer. I tried unsuccessfully to convince my husband to get out of bed and put the clothes in the dryer. I did not want to get out of bed. He didn't either. I fell asleep wondering if I would need to rewash those clothes.

Sunday morning I discovered that the clothes had not been washed. They were in the washer. The soap had been added. The washer had never even been started.

I get distracted all the time.

I often walk into one room, look around and wonder why I am there. Then, I have to walk back where I came from just to retrack my thought process.

I figured out my problem. My mind is too cluttered.

Just like clutter in my home can keep me from being able to relax. My cluttered mind can keep me from being able to be productive.

I think about too many things at once.

Not long ago, I sat in a meeting unable to concentrate on the topic being discussed. It was a meeting with people discussing a subject that I really care about. I began to make a To Do list just so I wouldn't sit there obsessing about the rest of my day. I got nothing out of that meeting. I also didn't make progress on my To Do list while I sat there. I had too much on my mind and I couldn't focus on what mattered at the moment.

I have decided to declutter my mind. I know it isn't going to be easy.

I have decided I want to be present in my thoughts. I am going to focus on one thing at a time. I will gradually improve.

I want to be present in my thoughts, actively engaged in what I am doing.

The last few times I have cleaned the kitchen, I cleaned it in record time. I didn't take one thing into another room and get distracted by something in that room. I didn't jump on and off the computer as I was working. I didn't remember a phone call I needed to make and stop and get on the phone. I focused on the task of cleaning the kitchen. It was simple and quick. I felt satisfied when I was done. I didn't spend hours trying to get the kitchen clean.

I want to be present in my thoughts, attentive to those that are talking to me.

I can have so much on my mind that I don't listen. I care about those around me and I need to show them by giving them my attention. When I am distracted by my agenda or my next question, I am not listening to my spouse. When I am thinking about what I need to do next, I am not listening to my chilren. I will give my attention to the person I am listening to.

I want to be present in my thoughts, less distracted by issues that affect my emotions.

The other morning I woke up and checked my email. I read an email that frustrated me. A few minutes later my husband told me something that I disagreed with. I was extremely irritated. We had a heated discussion. We ended up working it out that day. It was a day or so later when I recognized and apologized for letting an unrelated situation affect my emotions.

I am convinced that having an overactive, burdened mind interfers with my relationships, my productivity, my common sense, and my happiness. It enables overreactions and poor decisions.

I am paying attention to my thoughts. When I recognize a distraction, I refocus my attention. I am training my mind.

This was put on my heart this week when I realized that even when I am not constantly on the go, my mind can be swirling with out-of-control activity.

I encourage you to take captive every thought (2 Corinthians 10:5).

Deceived by Complacency

As I sat in my car at Wal-mart a few weeks ago I noticed a man pouring something into his gas tank. I was checking messages on my phone when I noticed him. I don't know anything about cars, really, so seeing him pour something in his tank caught my attention.

What he did next surprised me and I have been thinking about it off and on since.

When he was finished emptying the container, he dropped it and kicked it under his car. Then, he got in his car and drove away.

It's one thing to litter. It's another thing to kick trash under your car, as if to hide it, and then drive away.

I was stunned by the hilarity of the situation. It also irritated me.

As I picked up the empty fuel booster container and took it to the trash, I found myself thinking, "Don't judge him, learn from him."

I have been considering the situation for weeks, trying to figure out the lesson for me. I have to admit I have had a terrible time evaluating myself compared the man at Wal-mart. My disdain of his actions made it hard for me to look for a parallel in my life. Did the man leave Wal-mart feeling good? Was he satisfied because he was taking care of his car? He gave no thought to his surroundings. He did not consider the absurdity of kicking his trash under his car and then driving away. He did not think about or care about who might be watching him. At some level, he was deceiving himself. He may have convinced himself that he was being responsible. He may have been so self-absorbed that he didn't think anyone was watching.

I need to be more honest with myself.

Am I so self-absorbed that I do not pay attention to the needs around me?

I often deceive myself.

I can take care of my children and fail to provide basic needs for myself like rest and proper nutrition.

I can spend ample time counting my blessings and forget to spend time thanking God.

I can convince myself that I am a caring person when I have not tended to the details of reaching out to others.

I can spend too much time feeling blessed and too little time cultivating a giving heart.

To others, my wrong-doings may seems just as obvious as the man littering.
Without question, I am an open book to God. He knows my heart better than I do.

I was focused on the ignorance I saw at Wal-mart. The treasure from that moment is realizing that I am not always honest with myself. Too often, I go through my days in a state of unrecognized complacency. The beauty in the trashed parking lot is the renewed desire for me to keep chiseling away at the selfishness of my heart.