My day got better but...

My day got better but I really had trouble keeping my mouth shut when the hygienist at the dentist's office gave my boys balloon swords "so they can fight".



Thank you for your prayers. My day was better because of them!

Thankful Thursday #64

Thankful Thursday #64 was supposed to be a post overflowing with from my grateful heart. It was supposed to be my Thanksgiving post. I had a wonderful Thanksgiving and I spent a great deal of time being thankful. I just didn't make time to post.
Now it is a week later and...
well...
The last words I said to my two middle children were: "I don't care. All I want is for you not to fight. I want no fighting more than I want anything in the world."

Whew! That sums up how I feel after yesterday. Yesterday was the kind of day where I met my hubby at the door, grabbed the keys and went out for a much needed break. My nerves were shot and I had nothing left to give my kids. (Yes, I texted my hubby to let him know the state of my heart!)

First thing this morning I felt tension as soon as my boys came downstairs because their began arguing immediately. What is it? Are they let down after 2 weeks of company? Is the cloudy weather getting to them? I have no idea. I immediately started praying.

My point? Today I don't feel thankful. I hardly feel hopeful. However, I am thankful for many things. I am going to spend time today focusing on that. Just maybe, that will make the difference in my day.

Here are some things I am thankful for:
1. My hubby: He is a constant encouragement.
2. My parents: It was incredible to have them visit us.
3. Christmas cards: I love getting Christmas cards in the mail. They are reminders of people that I love.
4. Pictures my kids draw: My kids' drawings fill my heart with happiness. I love seeing their creativity. I love listening to them when they draw. The drawings cannot be drawn without sound effects!
5. 1/2 Pump Peppermint Mocha Frappicino: This was the perfect treat for me last night.
6. Finding Old Pictures: I found some hilarious photos last night of my hubby and I (and lots of our friends) at a 70's party in 2000. I laughed so hard I cried.
7. Encouragement in Blogland: Sometimes I come across a post that points my heart in the direction it needs to go. I read a post about prayer recently that reminded me that I need to spend more time alone with God. Go read Devotion to Prayer.
8. Seeing my Kids excited about learning: One son is excited about sounding out letters. My daughter is trying to walk. She learned how to "give 5" last night. One son is learning to pull his own pants up and down when he goes to the bathroom (with mixed results but he is learning). One son is excited about being able to read- words cereal boxes, signs, the computer -just everywhere! I am thankful for their excitement.
9. Music: I keep finding myself singing the little song "This is the Day" (that the Lord has made, that the Lord has made. I will rejoice, I will rejoice and be glad in it). Songs can help me focus and they can change my mood. And, I am going to get out the the Christmas music today!
10. Friends: I am thankful for my blogland friends, friends that email, and friends that I talk to throughout the week. I have many friends and it is encouraging to think about them.

Wordless Wednesday: 1st Kiss

A Maturing 35

I am maturing. It amazes me to realize that I was unknowingly immature in an area of my life (purposely immature- silly- is acceptable, right?). It encourages me to see myself growing.

I am learning to enjoy others and learning to let go of stress and the impossible standards I place on myself. Enjoying others (being hospitable) has provided me such joy. I wrote about my new perspective on hospitality here.

I am also learning to let go of stress and unrealistic standards that I impose on myself. My parents just left after a wonderful visit. I made a conscious and very determined effort to refuse stress and to be relaxed. In doing so, I was able to enjoy my parents (be hospitable) and not try to be something I am not. I discovered something that I wish I had discovered years ago. I had created tension without knowing it because my self-confidence was low and my standards were too high.

My mom enjoys doing things for other people. I haven’t read the book The Five Love Languages in a long time but based on the little I remember about it, I would say that my mom’s love language is "Acts of Service." She feels loved when people do things for her and she loves to do things for other people. This used to create incredible tension when she would come to visit. I could not understand why she wouldn’t just relax and enjoy my company and play with her grandchildren. I mean, it would frustrate me to no end.

My new hospitality perspective during her visit allowed me to realize that she was not trying to fix me, my parenting, or my house. She was just trying to love on me. I recognized that I had a problem with feeling inadequate. The tension had come from my fear of not being a good enough mom in my mom’s eyes. The tension was because I was focused on myself. I let go of my self-imposed stress. I let my mom be herself. She did laundry for me. She organized clothes. She cooked and cleaned. She was very happy. For the first time, I enjoyed the way she loved me. In doing so, my love and appreciation for her grew. Without the stress, we all enjoyed our time together more.

I love seeing myself mature as a mom. I am 35 years old and I am beginning to grow up! I laugh that it took having 4 kids for me to realize that I have to let go of unrealistic expectations and unnecessary stress.